At more than 6 1/2 years out from losing my husband, the above prayer absolutely sums up what I need to journal/write.
This last Christmas was the 7th Christmas without Loren. O, how I struggled with #7. Starting November up through even now I have had a simmering low-degree turmoil about the soon arrival of Anniversary Year #7. I even Googled information about #7. It seems Christianity and most every other Religion finds meaning in 7.
Quote Google Search, “Number 7 is said to be one of 4 numbers that symbolize perfection or completion”. With my experience in the journey of Grief, perfection and completion simply cannot be true.
I certainly have come to a point of generalized rest from unrelenting sorrow. I certainly have arrived at the point of routine….living my (now) sometime-boring life because Loren kept me hopping with activity in every facet of our lives.
I have happy times and sad times, good vs bad times…..
…….the heart-wrenching fact, however, is I no longer have ecstatic moments. As I reminisce over memories since he’s passed…. of grandchildren’s births, traveling, friends, work, family, Holidays and all…I cannot recall ecstatic euphoric moments. As sad as it feels to ponder, I am thinking that will never happen without the thrill that comes from deep love.
And for me, my desire for deep love is still inter-connected with my undying love for Loren.
Lord, help me remember my life will always be a weaving together of good and bad. I know You ordain our steps so I believe You must have me exactly where I am to be.
Well said Julia. I just experienced something new just last week. As you saw on Facebook it was my fifth heavenly birthday for my sweet love, Jim. I woke up very early that morning starting scrolling through pictures of him. I suddenly found myself smiling then remembering ever moment of each photo. It was not sad, heavy or overwhelming it was a soft feeling, comfortable feeling, content feeling, very familiar feeling. It felt like this feeling surrounded my heart. I know it was God’s peace, love and always hope that generated such a power of GRATFULNESS that Jim was born and I was blessed to have married, loved and had a life we called ours. I will forever try to remember that day 1-13-22 my husbands sixth heavenly birthday.
What a sweet experience to hold on to!
Thank you for this, Julia. I think none of us understand grief until we are there. I often think I may some day find contentment, but will I ever be really happy without Nolan.
I understand what you are saying. Praying you continue to grow towards a level of contentment, Barbara.
Thank you for your thoughts, I love that you are able to embrace your humanity in its fullness – even in suffering
Thank you, Danette
Julia, you have a great way of coming out🙏🙏🙏
I catch your blogs every now and then. So glad to have been able to meet you. Peace and love always. Widowed twice, 2007 and 2017. Never Alone😇😇😇
Mary, you have been a good example to me….life does go forward and you have exemplified that!