Sometimes I talk to myself. Definitely not out of insanity….but it’s from a place of positivity while encouraging myself. I’m confident it’s a healthy thing to remind myself that Good Things will continue to come my way and I can look forward to more!

Just last week another widow and I were surprisingly caught up in an unexpected conversation as we stood at a Track Meet…..cautiously yet candidly somehow discussing the issue of “Labeling”.

Oxford Languages defines “labeling” as:

“Assign to a category, especially inaccurately or restrictively”.

Labeling can lead on to stereotyping. “To stereotype is to have a fixed, overgeneralized belief about a particular group of people”.

Our conversation even stepped forward into our experiences of living out our deceased husbands being labeled because of the ways their passing occurred. We went on to share our now-personal-awareness of our deceased husband’s seeming-to-be-judged-by-others.

LABELS SUCH AS:

*poor guy…he was in the wrong place at the wrong time *dare-devil guy…he should’ve known better than to have been that careless *unfortunate guy to have gotten cancer *stupid guy to not have gone to the Dr sooner when the bleeding started *sorry guy who should’ve done more to have fought his depression earlier *stubborn guy who should’ve listened to his wife and gone to the ER immediately *very unlucky guy who did everything right but nature still ran its natural course *selfish guy who put himself first and wasn’t thinking how his addictions could affect his (sure-to-be) widow and his children *the irresponsible guy who wouldn’t take the Drs instructions seriously *one-lucky-guy who lived a long rich life and was surely blessed by God to have lived this life. …………….this recent discussion of labeling needs to be processed within me……it’s just now that I’m feeling that the (possible) “judgements” of your husband’s death and how it happened….maybe…quite maybe….is something to be really looked at….for some widows and families….it’s possible they can live under a longer blanket of doom from the loved one’s death if their support system and society in general doesn’t work on eliminating stigmas.

The other widow, I might add a “new widow” into the comparison of my now status as a 10-year-out-widow, ….she and I both concluded that what we need is:

• a simple “I’m so sorry about your loss”
• “I’m sorry that you’re having to now live through this major adjustment”
• “He will never be forgotten”

Those comments are often appreciated and enough. Sometimes questions are NOT OK…especially if you’re not in our inner circle or part of our existing support system. If you knew our husbands, tell us a thoughtful story and let us know you’ll never forget them.

So, yes…..part of my “success” of getting through the dark valley of the shadow ….is because I had worked and still work on positive reinforcement to myself. I’m thankful for the many tools available to help everyone live……daily….one step at a time.