Around a week ago a TV show eluded to the topic of “I would’ve never known if it hadn’t happened to me”. A spark lit in me…it was time to look at that closer.
And then today, a friend/prayer partner of my aged Mother came to see her after her Heart Attack…… while I walked this visitor to the door to let him exit, yet one more time I embraced the aspect of the “you’ll never really understand if you haven’t lived through it”. See, I had asked this gentleman about his pursuit of personal healing from the many severe (real) hardships he had faced during the time period of his (multiple) tours and the Vietnam War.
My story is very different than his yet I could immediately connect dots as to how our journeys could be deemed comparable.
BACK TO THE SEVEN THINGS I WOULD’VE NEVER KNOWN:
- I would’ve never known that the death of your husband DOESN’T automatically stop the (any) insecurities/(any) misunderstandings you may have felt in that relationship while he was alive.
- I would’ve never known that your adult children equally will face any misunderstandings they had had with their father….even with him being gone (unless they want to bury the issues with alcohol, drugs or a vice).
- I would’ve never known that our emotional responses caused by past distressing events want to continue forward…..
- I would’ve never known the need to work on understanding what had happened (the beautiful and the ugly of the relationship…and even the trauma in his sudden passing and me not being able to revive him in the 20 minutes of CPR)..so I could come to a (both) logical and emotional resolve.
- I would’ve never understood how powerful the conscious memory and the unconscious memory are.
- I would’ve never known that Marriage really does connect two people…marriage is more than a ceremony and a license. It’s like God miraculously took the two, created a recipe that suited them both, stirred up the batter and baked them into a unified unit.
- I would’ve never known or remotely imagined the searing pain from the tearing, ripping and long-time bruising that comes from losing 1/2 of yourself. Only the True Physician can help you go through the process of surgery, recovery and healing.
AND I’m still on the ongoing journey towards completeness. That shouldn’t be a shock though. I started that journey around 10 years before Loren passed. 🙂
And I like myself….grief journey and all. “And, Julia, quit being upset at yourself when you feel the heavy wave slam you unexpectedly. It may always be this way. Learn to be OK with it and remember how your tears will help relieve any tension from grief. Ride the wave”.
Well said. You have learned so much from this leg of your life journey. God will continue to use it all.💕
ah Sharon…you are a woman that I deeply admire….I hope I will be like you more and more. I’ve always admired your bravery and depth in your family relationships. Much love to you. Julia
Oh, Julia, it is funny because though we have never met, I have been thinking about you recently and thought of reaching out to see how you are doing. Your honest descriptions of grief are so true and realistic. I keep apologizing to my dead mother because I had no clue what her grief over losing my dad must have been like. I didn’t understand and she kept it to herself. It has been 4 1/2 years for me and I am amazed how raw the missing of Nolan can still be at times. Like you I am building a good life. It is interesting to live alone and have to make all the decisions and mistakes on my own. And I remind myself that Nolan never had the “opportunity” to do this. Did you get your property sold? What a wrenching thing that must have been
Prayers for you and your family and hopes for joyous times and nee adventures in the midst of the continuing loss.
Wow, well said! Grief is hard with anyone. Especially with someone you love! May His strength carry you through the tough moments!
Your words are well written and shed a lot of truth about grieving.