Category Archives: Daughter MIssing Father at Wedding

The Widow and her NEW Grandchildren

Children, Christian Widows, Daughter MIssing Father at Wedding, Daughters Losing their Fathers, Death, Family, Grandchildren, Grief, Grief at 6 years, Loss, Marriage, Miscellaneous, The Widow and Grandchildren's Births

When my youngest daughter and her husband announced their first pregnancy at our 2020 Thanksgiving Meal, I felt numb. I’m incredibly embarrassed to say I did not show a deep reaction.  Naturally I was very happy for them….loving the thought of having another grandchild, however I did not scream in delight nor hop up to give hugs. I just sat in my chair at the dinner table with the family…. asking multiple questions about how my daughter was feeling, the due date etc.

 It was later that night, when by myself, that I started questioning, “Am I being a neurotic selfish parent who inadvertently turns the attention on themself?”  I was mad that “I hadn’t been the perfect mother who responded in the perfect way”. 

By the following day I was able to sort through the emotions. I called my daughter and apologized profusely, feeling very remorseful that their announcement may have felt like a letdown.

I was going to happily become a grandparent again… yet, because I had been down this road before, I knew the sorrow that would accompany the beautiful baby.

Our third grandchild had been born 3 ½ months after Loren’s passing. Loren had known he’d be having his first grandson and he was on Cloud 9 non-stop. He had announced the news on Facebook and to anyone who would listen. We already had two adorable granddaughters…the perfect apples of his eyes.  Loren loved babies and children.  Simply put, my man was a complete kid magnet.

….Not long after Thanksgiving 2020, another daughter “randomly” dropped by.  By this time I had a greater understanding of my less-than-perfect reaction with the first announcement on Thanksgiving.

This time there wasn’t that spell-bound-shock-as-with-me-sitting-at-the-kitchen-table.  No, I was sitting in Loren’s recliner in the Master Suite…she in the other recliner when the tsunami of tears hit us.  After minutes of blubbering we eventually discussed the excitement of two babies next Christmas. 

Hot tears still bubble up quickly when I recall the “Since Loren has died I have”:

  • Watched two daughters date various men and find their men they chose to settle with
  • Gave my verbal approval when one young man asked if he could marry our daughter
  • Walked our daughter down the aisle and gave her away
  • Sat on the front row, beside the aisle, at two daughter’s weddings, without my spouse
  • Gained 1 grandson 3 ½ months after Loren passed
  • Gained 3 grandchildren by marriage
  • Shortly, I’ll gain a grand baby within days
  • I’ll then gain another grand baby in August

Maybe…just maybe…one of the new babies will look abit like their grandpa.  If so, I’ll be like Loren.  I’ll laugh a loud hearty laugh and abrupt water shed may happen in the most inopportune times.

WIDOWS and Their ADULT CHILDREN. Chapter 2.

Children, Christian Widows, Daughter MIssing Father at Wedding, Daughters Losing their Fathers, Death, Doing New Things, Faith in God, Family, Fighting to grow, friendships, Grandchildren, Grief, Holidays and Grief, Honoring Your Deceased Spouse, Loss, Marriage, Miscellaneous, Widows and their Adult Children

My husband was in his mid-50’s when his 2nd parent graduated to Heaven.  She was 92, Loren’s father passed years earlier at the age of 83.  I’ll never forget the looming silence that lingered around Loren that entire first month as he faced the now-loss of both parents. He hadn’t been as shaken when his father passed….not so when his last parent passed.

“I somehow feel as if I am an orphan”, he had solemnly stated. I then wondered if his 4 siblings felt that way too?

Even though I often feel a great portion of my growth-thru-grief has been a sole effort on my part, I equally acknowledge the monumental role that my children have played towards my continuous learning to spread my wings…to gain some height in the struggling soar.

Today I feel a variety of emotions as I contemplate the approach of the 6th Year Anniversary of Loren’s passing:

  • Pride……how I’ve became as independent as I am
  • Melancholy…..that for my own well-being I needed to proceed forward without him
  • Thankful…..that I’ve managed to remain at the place Loren and I pioneered
  • Extremely grateful…..that the relationships with each of my children have deepened
  • Pursuant…..in deeper understanding of God’s loving care for the widow and the fatherless
  • Relieved……about having faithful friends and family who have stood by my side

It’s my observation and opinion that my adult children have had to equally purpose to spread their wings… to gain height in their struggling soars. Not only were they gaining momentum in their individual  lives, THEY additionally HAD TO and STILL HAVE TO KEEP ON:

  • Balancing their personal lives…now along with a single mom who emotionally and physically needs them more than before
  • Choosing to not worry about their mom
  • Developing additional skills of communication with their siblings (when they need another one to step up to share the load)
  • Facing their own fresh grief(s) of getting married without a father to be a part of their wedding
  • Facing their own fresh grief(s) of having their father not be a part of their pregnancy, childbirth, welcoming their baby into their family
  • Comforting their children who miss their grandpa, who are having to learn to experience on-going Holidays and life without him
  • Explaining death and Heaven to young children who never met their grandpa
  • With their life partner, experiencing the challenge of learning to be understood…all because they have lived through something life-shattering….
  • Having the acute awareness that their whole world can change at the drop of a hat
  • Seeing not everyone is “blessed” to be able to say their lengthy goodbyes and experience gradual-grieving before a parent passes
  • Enjoying happy times with the whole family….experiencing laughter after the deep sorrow

…….to be continued……..

“My dad WAS SUPPOSED TO walk me down the aisle” (Brenna’s heartache)

Children, Daughter MIssing Father at Wedding, Daughters Losing their Fathers, Doing New Things, Family, Grandchildren, Loss, Marriage, Miscellaneous

                                                                                                    FOUR YEARS

After I saw my dad I vividly remember the words that spilled out of my mouth through tears:  “Who is going to walk me down the aisle when I get married?”“  I wasn’t engaged.  I didn’t have a boyfriend.  I hadn’t even MET my future husband!  But I knew that the most important man in my life for the past 24 years was going to miss one of the most important days of my life.  He was going to miss one of the most significant roles a father can play for his daughters.

In a sense, I think I dreaded my future wedding day since the day he died.   He was supposed to be there.  He was supposed to  hold my hand as he walked me down the aisle.  He was supposed to give me away.  He was supposed to cry while doing it all – and for those of you who knew him, you know that those tears would have been running down his face.  He was supposed to dance with me to Tony Bennett singing, “The Way You Look Tonight”. He was supposed  to give me one of his enveloping hugs as I was whisked away with my new husband.  He was supposed to…. but death took that all away from me….it took it away from BOTH of us.

Nine and a half months ago that “dreaded” wedding day came.  Although his physical body wasn’t present, I knew my dad was there.  I felt him.

He was there in the front row where the quilt made out of his shirts sat, saving his seat.  He was there in the boutonniere pinned on that quilt where his Winco shirt read, “Loren”, right next to our picture.  He was there in his handwriting on my tattoo.  He was there in my mom as she walked me down the aisle and gave me away with the words, “Her father and I”.  He was there during the ceremony as I told Eugene how much my dad would have loved him for loving me so well.  He was there.  I know it….and I believe everyone who was at my wedding, who knew my dad, knows it as well.

I think someday, when I am reunited with my dad in heaven, we will talk about my wedding.  We will talk about how much we BOTH loved that day!

He may no longer be here in the flesh but I believe he is not missing out on everything.  He is still with us.

That doesn’t mean we don’t grieve.  OH, how we continue to grieve!  I miss my dad.  I never knew I could miss someone so much.  My heart aches to see him again, to talk with him again, to hug him again.  I long for my husband to know my dad and for my dad to know my husband.  I long the same for our future babies.

One of the last pictures of Brenna and her dad together. December 2014.

My nephew, Lincoln, was born 3 ½ months after my dad died.  But he knows his “Papa Loren”.  He talks about him often.  He points him out in pictures.  He prays for him.  He asks to visit him.  He loves his Papa and he knows that he is loved by him.

I am sad that my future babies won’t be held by their “Papa Loren”.  But I don’t have to dread their births as I dreaded my wedding day.  They may not experience his love in person, but they will know his love just as my nephew Lincoln does. I am confident of this because as history has shown,  although my dad is no longer with us on this earth, he is still here!

                                                                                                                         FOUR YEARS AND COUNTING.