Category Archives: Miscellaneous

SOME OF THE Surprising THINGS I’ve Had to DO

December 21, 2018Children, Christian Widows, decision making, Faith in God, Family, Grief, grief at 3 years, Miscellaneous, Widows and alonenessPullin' Up My Big Girl BritchesJulia Wasson

As 2018 draws closer to an end, I’ve been reflecting on the multiples of adjustments I’ve had to make. Because I’ve made the decision to stay on the ranch, continue working at the same job and also keep my business in town, along with the rental, many might assume I’ve not experienced some upheaval. NOT TRUE! In all facets of my life I’ve had to “consider the cost”…sometimes daily…how every “Life Choice” will cost me emotionally, physically, spiritually and, many times, financially.

SOME OF THE SURPRISING THINGS I’VE HAD TO DO FOR MY PHYSICAL WELL-BEING:

#1) Go to my Doctor and purposefully request anti-anxiety medication to help me have better cognitive skills. The day after Loren’s funeral the anguish peaked. I also felt overwhelmed knowing I’d have massive decisions to make…. So, THAT VERY DAY I started seeing my Dr every 2 weeks for the first 3 months and then every 4 weeks up through the end of that 1^st year. By the end of those 12 months I was successfully weaned off of the medication. (Grief greatly changed my ability to concentrate and focus)!
#2) (as of 16 months ago) Stop being the Music Specialist at the School (the increasing headaches from the stress of teaching and decision-making were literally screaming, “You need to change, Julia”, plus my same Family Physician, of 30 years, was advising a change might be wise).
#3) Start hiring two of Loren’s retired friends to do the strenuous outside work that Loren used to do (running the chainsaws, keeping the back trails open and climbing tall ladders).
#4) Ask Jasmine and Brenna to help me clean the gutters, clean moss off the roofs, and vacuum the 22’ high ceiling (I still do layers of the inside and outside work but there are some jobs you just don’t do when you’re by yourself).
#5) Have more down time. (my body requires it nowadays).

MORE OF THE SURPRISING THINGS I’VE HAD TO DO:

#6) Be taxed FAR GREATER as a single person which means the money doesn’t spread NEAR as far (Loren and I, as a married couple, were only taxed 2% MORE and the income was more than DOUBLE what mine is now)!
#7) Update and revise the existing Will and my Advanced Health Directive via my lawyer since I am now the sole controller of my children’s future inheritance. (My lawyer advised me to choose a primary and secondary Executor of my Estate, a primary and secondary Power of Attorney, and primary and secondary Health Representative. I also have named my 4 children as beneficiaries).
#8) Weekly visit my mentor/counselor/friend/spiritual comrade Mary Elizabeth so I can better navigate the changes in my life (I’ve learned that I need someone to “talk out” my concerns and options with. I used to do that with Loren).

MORE new AREAS I AM FORCED TO GROW IN (as a now- single- person)

#9) To become comfortable as the sole visionary person with the long-distanced foresight (I’m still searching for the periodic financial advisor to replace my father who passed in 2018).
#10) To come to the point of acceptance that I am simply unwilling to “restart” my life in another community or capacity (life is not an “adventure” without Loren. I like familiarity. I am doing well learning to be satisfied).
#11) To admit that I may never want to explore a new hobby by myself (yes, I have given up Drag Racing and teaching Gun Safety classes because it’s too painful to do it alone. Those were “he and I together” activities).

So, here I am at 3 ½ years out and the journey still has its jolting bumps and ruts. But I can now break into a quick exuberant laugh and I give frequent warm hugs!

I want to feel more confident. I want deep peace. As much as I trust in the Lord and believe that God is in control I still very much like the thought that “I can control a level of my continuity”.

……..I sometimes think his sudden traumatic death (and my desperate attempt to revive him) is the clincher that makes me all-the-more cling to the “likeable thought” of ME controlling my continuity……

In the meantime, I’ll STILL PULL UP MY BIG GIRL BRITCHES and CARRY ON!

20 Reasons to Never Re-Marry, ETC

November 30, 2018Christian Widows, Death, Doing it God's way, Family, Fighting to grow, Grief, grief at 3 years, Humor in widowhood, identifying positive things, Loss, loving your deceased spouse, MiscellaneousJulia Wasson

Even though the person who created this quote made a typo, I love this!

Many might say I have a sick sense of humor. The truth is, Loren and I shared the same sense of humor. Should I have passed first you can bet Loren would’ve came up with the 20 reasons about me. Ha. Fact.

At 3 years and 7 months out, I’m learning to look at life through new lenses.

Ah, the things I did for love and the things I did begrudgingly, as his help meet.

THUS, MY 20 REASONS WHY TO NEVER RE-MARRY!

1) Never again must I need to wipe small splats of urine off the toilet rim.

2) Never again must I need to bake chocolate chip cookies weekly.

3) Never again must I need to be sure his Winco work shirts are perfectly clean.

4) Never again must I need to perfectly match his socks.

5) Never again must I make an emergency trip to the pharmacy to pick up his RX (that he was supposed to pick up the day before).

6) Never again must I pick up toenail clippings that accidently missed the garbage can.

7) Never again must I pick up a wadded piece of paper that didn’t hit the target.

8) Never again must I sweep sawdust falling from the blue jeans and suspenders he had been wearing when outside cutting firewood.

9) Never again must I help a man who had side line businesses that include the wife helping him 5 – 10 hours each weekend.

10) Never again must I tell him to get off Facebook during a “too-long” sermon at church.

11) Never again must I ask him to stop playing his solitaire game when I wanted good conversation (while I was driving the Challenger on a Friday date night).

12) Never again must I need to ask him what he’s thinking if he’s unusually quiet.

13) Never again must I massage his back and shoulders until my arms and hands ache.

14) Never again ………… wait a minute. STOP! I QUIT!

The truth is this fun little blog has suddenly become very sad. Hot tears are now flowing. I’d give anything to have our life back.

Want some wise advice?

Hang on tight to your loved one tonight.
Kiss him hard (no light pecks here and there).
Hug him tightly (none of those light pats on the back).
With your spouse, make love fervently.
Get caught up in the moment like it’s your last time (no half-hearted stuff here).

And, please don’t think I was his slave OR married to a lazy man. On the contrary! He worked 60 – 70 hours a week for Winco and then busted his tail for pleasure along with the projects we enjoyed. As he slowed down towards his upcoming retirement, Loren did multiple little things for me. We were having the time of our lives, lovin’ and playing hard those final 7 years. No regrets!

P.S. Yes, it’s true that I’m learning how to enjoy life in the present but I’d readily re-marry Loren again.

To Wear Or NOT To Wear OR Keep

November 16, 2018Christian Widows, Death, decision making, Fighting to grow, Getting rid of loved ones things, Grief, grief at 3 years, Loss, Miscellaneous, Wearing Wedding RingsJulia Wasson

After driving a long day off the Dayton Bar along the Willamette River, as I jumped down from my brand new 1979 White Western Star dump truck, my double banded diamond wedding ring became caught near the exterior mirror twisting both the gold wedding and engagement bands, so much that the bands had to be cut off my 4th finger.

After tearing the skin and bruising the now-swollen-finger, from that day forward if Loren and I worked outside around equipment we never wore our wedding bands. I hated not wearing my wedding rings but I knew it was a necessity because of people who had lost their fingers in accidents around equipment.

Because Loren never wore his wedding ring while delivering groceries for Winco, it was a running joke when he’d put his wedding ring back on, saying, “Well, I guess I’m married today”. Or better yet, when we were leaving to go on a date we’d jokingly say, “Should we wear our rings tonight and be married?”

Well, as of six months ago, I randomly started not wearing my wedding ring. Uhmmmm. Decisions. …..To wear or NOT to wear?

I had decided to test the waters and see if my grief lessened when not wearing the symbolic circle of commitment and trust.

Other than the initial feelings of emptiness, other than noticing some people (STILL!!) look at my hand and notice that I am (or NOT) wearing my wedding ring, I can attest that neither wearing or removing my wedding ring lessens or increases the loss. Wearing or not wearing my wedding ring does not change my love for Loren.

I might add, HIS “THINGS” ARE VALUABLE to me. Last Christmas his shirts were made into quilts for our four children and six grandchildren and became loving personalized gifts. I’m continually trying to think of ways I can use “his things” as functional memories.

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM! He was a “sentimental fool”. For example, in the shop sits a few logging paraphernalia his deceased father once used. When cleaning out the shop a year before he passed, Loren had told Jasmine and I, “I can’t get rid of this. I JUST CAN’T GET RID OF THIS!”

And that pretty much sums up how I feel about so many of his “things”. Other than gifting a few things to Loren’s two best friends, Marv and Dan, I carefully-with-much-caution decide if I should get rid of “it”. I also wonder if some day in the future Loren’s things may become more valuable in sentiment to our children..?…

For me, I have discovered things are not replaceable when memories are attached!!

The rings? Priceless.

These rings will always hold cherished symbolism. Whether they sit on the counter or are proudly carried on my finger I can’t imagine ever losing the proud, loving sense of connection.

With his and my rings there is no “til death do us part”. Death may have forced me to physically part from Loren. But death can’t steal memories and death can’t stop things from being valued.

SECONDARY LOSSES and Sexual Bereavement

October 22, 2018Christian Widows, Death, decision making, Doing it God's way, Fighting Grief, Fighting to grow, Grief, grief at 3 years, Marriage, Miscellaneous, resolutions for the widow, Sexual Bereavement, widowhood, Widows and alonenessJulia Wasson

We’ve all seen this “Secondary Losses” Chart. I had too. Because I have lost my spouse, I feel there is a missing “sphere/circle” on this chart.

That is, SEXUAL BEREAVEMENT: “The loss of the mutual coping patterns that develop over a long period of time in a loving, enduring sexual relationship that cannot be fixed or replaced easily”, written by Dr. Alice Radosh, Neuro- psychologist from City University of New York.

Well said, Dr. Radosh. Well said. Until I inadvertently came across her online article I had not been aware of the actual terminology “Sexual Bereavement” but I most certainly have experienced it. I was emotionally and physically bonded to Loren for 37 years. Until one loses that powerful connection with a spouse I’m not sure a person can fully appreciate or understand the magnitude of loss…..

In addition, the British Dictionary describes BEREAVEMENT as: “the condition of being deprived of something or someone valued, especially through death.”

By now I’m sure there are varying reactions from you readers. Possibly, “This topic needs to remain private”. Some of your thoughts may include, “Find a man.” “It’s time you move on and get over him.” Or, “Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this component of widowhood”.

Believe me, my closest widow girlfriends and I periodically discuss the predicament. We deeply loved our husbands and still love our deceased husbands.

For us, there is no easy solution….for we are governed by powerful memories and the desired continuity of peace from a clear conscience!!!

After 3 years, I’m finally adjusting to the routine of living single, however, it is just now that I am starting to face the hardcore fact that there are facets of my world that may never again feel “right”. That realization feels dauntingly painful at times.

I’m just grateful I’ve learned to healthily cope with the adjustments.

“So, God, I’m thankful You’ve given me the grace to stay on course… and the gift of a good dose of common sense.”

TOP 7 Things I LEARNED while MARRIED

June 28, 2018Christian Widows, Death, Doing it God's way, Faith in God, Family, Fighting Grief, Grief, grief at 3 years, identifying positive things, Longevity Marriages, Loss, Miscellaneous, Widows and MarriageJulia Wasson

I was married 37 years. Even though Loren & I knew that death would eventually separate us, we somehow assumed we’d be married a good 60 years before one of us went first. Or better yet we’d both pass at the same time (but that’s selfish to wish because we have children and grandchildren who’d feel a double loss). In addition, we came from families whose parents remained married for a minimum of 65 years until one passed.

We had strong examples.

I’m ashamed to say it took me years to “get it”. If Loren was here today he’d equally be honest and say it took him “that long” to learn important lessons!

THANKFULLY, we LEARNED and EXPERIENCED these 7 things in our marriage:

That your spouse wants to be adored. Not worshiped. There is a difference (every person knows their imperfections….they simply want their spouse to understand them and still deeply love them in their raw status).

That enduring love is far separate from the initial lust two individuals feel in their early days as a couple.

That longevity in a marriage can increase the strong chemistry / spark between the two (the fire only burns hotter).

That accountability to your spouse is not only a safety net but a blessing (being aware of the ins and outs of your spouse’s life is the ultimate gift of care).

That some “good marriages” take more effort to thrive (it all comes down to the two individuals).

That each spouse has their own “love language(s)”…and they are usually different (together, Loren and I discovered the book “THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES…the Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman).

That life is full of consequences. Either full of rewards or full of regrets.

Loren and I had finally learned to place undying effort into each other. We climbed that treacherous, most difficult mountain together….to blend…for two strong individuals to become a team….it took blood, sweat, and many tears. And we were fully aware we’d need to stay on course with that continuous climb.

Once we tasted the sweetness of deep love we both knew (and lovingly spoke of it) how we would never be willing to settle for anything less! Until our dying day!

“Our dying day” came sooner than later.

You could say THAT is my problem. I lived the difficulties with him. I then experienced the deep love between two imperfect people who believed in each other. Who decided “we” were worth the effort. I then lived the amazing reward. With him.

We found a deep lasting love. I can never settle for anything less.

GRANTING myself PERMISSION at this 3 – year anniversary

April 3, 2018Death, decision making, Doing it God's way, Faith in God, Family, Fighting to grow, Grief, grief at 3 years, grief in the workplace, identifying positive things, Miscellaneous, widowhoodJulia Wasson

I’ve never lived my life in complete chaos as far as spiritual upkeep and running a household goes. As a widow, keeping four spheres spinning to manage my home, my property, work at my job, and run my music studio, I’ve done well enough.

BUT, yesterday I had an epiphany!!

I had not given myself permission to add a higher level of order because the three – year anniversary had not yet arrived!

Two Thanksgivings before Loren’s unexpected passing, our family had sat around the table. Because months prior our brother-in-law Max had passed, Loren had said to the children and I, “Whenever I die, I want you to keep thus and thus and thus and thus for three years. If at that point you realize those items no longer hold sentimental value, go ahead and get rid of them.” Our adult son immediately freaked out when he heard those words. He said, “Dad, are you sick? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Loren had said, “No, son. I just very much regret that years back I got rid of an item that my dad had given me when I was a teenager and I now can never get it back.”

Needless-to-say, that casual Thanksgiving Day conversation has been playing in my mind since the day Loren suddenly passed. I have purposefully remembered his wishes and I most certainly have WANTED to honor his wishes!

But THIS spring…THIS summer…there is an innate need to grant myself more permission:

To use more logic than emotion.

To continue analyzing what works for ME (not just how it worked for WE).

To consider selling or gifting specific things.

To continue making the home as a place I now need it to be (ie. If I want a “foo-foo” bedspread in each bedroom it’s A-OK).

To re-organize his shop so I can find things when I need to find them (ie. his idea of where things should go was not the place I would’ve been inclined to put them).

I must admit I feel a sense of freedom to write this, while at the same time, this topic surfaces much deep pain. It has felt safe, and wonderful, and ever-so-happy (if that’s possible in grief) to keep things as they were…………….”He & I in our own little world….”

I now see, I have been tip toeing through my new normal. Gingerly making decisions. Second guessing some of my moves.

But it’s time:

To again, with heightened perspective, take the bull by the horns (whatever that means…).

To look at my three-years-out life in the face.

To be bold enough to ask new questions. See new angles. See new slants and bird’s-eye-views.

TO, maybe, TRUST GOD ENOUGH TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE HE’S IN CONTROL…..

“So, Lord, give me the bravery to follow through with fresh ideas and no longer have a layer of fear.”

P.S. I’ve just now re-read this blog. Taking the bull by the horns feels frightening. Believing God in a far greater capacity seems daunting. Raisin’ my hand. Prayer, please!

The PATRIARCHS IMPACT and EXCHANGES

March 19, 2018Death, Faith in God, Family, Fighting to grow, Grief, Loss, Miscellaneous, widowhood, widows losing their fathersJulia Wasson

summer of 2015, Monday date night — summer of 2015, dad and I on a Monday night outing.

Three years this month the Patriarch of my children and grandchildren passed. This same month, 16 days ago, the Patriarch of my birth family passed. Please understand, the word “Patriarch” does not bother me. Both my husband and father did not lord the position of “eldest male” over us ~ wife, sisters, daughters, brothers, or sons.

Having witnessed their spirits leaving their earthly bodies, to me, it confirmed a spiritual act happened as the body ceased to function.

Undoubtedly, Loren’s sudden and unexpected passing brought a high level of shock and distress whereas my 88 year old father’s passing has not to the same degree.

Either which way, the two most influential men in my life have now left earth.

Both Patriarchs are physically gone.

Somehow, I greet this EXCHANGE with JOY:

Because I believe my father, my husband, and other loved ones are reunited and having fellowship with each other, as they often did together here on earth, I find a high level of comfort!

Because I believe my father and my husband now have full knowledge of the beautiful mysteries that the Holy Bible refers to, I smile (both men enjoyed challenges and learning)!

Because I believe we humans are confined to our limited understanding, to imagine the connection that surely must exist between the Heavens and the Earth gives me a sense of closeness to my loved ones gone on before me (even though we are far apart we somehow are so very close)!

Because I am confident my loved ones are more spiritually alive and fulfilled than ever before, I can only be happy for them!

I, at the same time, GREET THIS EXCHANGE with SORROW:

Because I know where physical loss occurs a tremendous void will exist.

Because I know there will be days my heart will desperately ache for them.

Because I have now lost my father, I have lost another powerful former times relationship with a man. (Loren, 37 years. My dad, 59 years).

Because I am a bit fearful (having finally crawled out of the deep pit of grief from my husband’s death) I am all too aware of that slippery slope of despair….

Because of my humanness , the finality of physical death feels as if it will last forever. In Heaven’s eyes, though, death’s finality is merely temporary.. LIFE HERE IS JUST A FLIT.

MOST SURPRISINGLY, today, I GREET THIS EXCHANGE with a level of EXPECTATION.

Through Loren’s passing I have discovered:

out of sheer fear has come bravery.
out of deep loneliness has come the inward consent to enjoy my single self.
out of great anxiety has come the decision(s) to not worry.
out of the sudden loss of Loren has come my determination to ask this ONE hard question as a perspective baseline: “IS THIS GIVEN SITUATION LIFE OR DEATH?” (simply put: there are some things that do not demand my immediate attention or concern).

I wonder what new things I might glean from now losing the TWO most influential , most- close- to- my- heart men in my life?

Love you forever, dad and Loren. Heaven can’t come soon enough. In the meantime, I press forward.

THIS is HOW I FIGHT my BATTLES

February 26, 2018Fighting Grief, Miscellaneous, Worship and GriefJulia Wasson

I imagine the Heavens opening up when I can worship

Battles. And Music.

I was the child / girl / teenager who from a very young age could swoon any song, had a great vocal range, could easily memorize all lyrics, sing all genres of music…. and to top it off, sang with intense, deep emotion that could “pull at dead people’s heart strings”.

(yes, I was literally told the-dead-people’s-strings-thing once!)

However, from the day Loren passed away I somehow unintentionally set music aside:

That same ability to permeate music from my head to my toes was the same shared emotional component that exuded loss.

Because the grief deadened my ability to feel, trying to worship God without the depth I was accustomed to felt insincere.

I had resigned to the idea I might forever remain in frustration that this integral part of myself may lay dormant.

I had been desperate to feel the Heavens open up.

So, “by accident” a friend of a friend’s Facebook post floated through my Newsfeed (which rarely happens). It was a youtube video of SURROUNDED (FIGHT MY BATTLES) by Michael W. Smith.

With rare curiosity I watched the music video.

Those 18 repetitive words drove me to my knees. Those 18 repetitive words started scraping the glaze from my heart and eyes. The 18 repetitive words in this song has ignited a spark. For the first time in the past 34 months I am starting to sense an emotional response to worship!!

I may have lost the tangible opportunity to feel enthralled in my lover’s arms. To have love carry me away.

But, to start to come alive in response to the Spirit moving in my heart during worship is LIFE. LONG NEEDED LIFE!

Grateful. Deeply grateful, is what I am!

TRYING TO FIND Julia

January 26, 2018Death, Faith in God, Fighting to grow, Grief, grief at 2 years, Marriage, Miscellaneous, widowhoodJulia Wasson

blog quote On Wednesday I sat with my dear friend and mentor, Mary, and sobbed so hard I could barely breathe. All while my head throbbed. Exhausting! At 33 months I have hit another brick wall.

I’ve read the positive quotes and “like” them on Facebook because I know these quotes hold value for me as I pursue peace and happiness. I’ve read the grief quotes on Pinterest and “pin” them on my wall because they equally hold sentiment and value as I acknowledge the deep pain I’ve conquered and continue to face.

I’ve listened to Loren’s friends tell me I deserve to be happy, how Loren would want me to be happy. They are right in their eyes but only a part of me believes what they say…. yes, I know Loren would be trying to be happy if I had died, but I’m 100% sure he’d still have this deep longing for me and feel great loss….

But I’m simply not ready to embrace an alternative life, whatever that means.

I’m still fragmented. Not whole. Like wood fibers, Loren and I had grown IN to each other.

Grief continues to morph into new phases. I heal in one area but something new appears.

But, at least I know I am no longer “stuck”.

Yet, I’m having a difficult time discovering who the new single Julia is.

But I know for my ultimate well-being…to flourish and find my new “God- purpose” in life, choosing to believe God allowed his passing….I must discover who the new single Julia is.

It’s time to fight to grow.

Because the truth is, his death has forever changed me. What a powerless, even frightening, way to feel. But, I’m not a victim even though I periodically feel helpless.

I must fight. To grow.

“Ok, God. H – E – L – P !!!!”

DECEMBER, beautiful POIGNANT December

December 13, 2017Children, Family, Grandchildren, Grief, Holidays and Grief, identifying positive things, Miscellaneous, Navigating the Holidays, widowhoodJulia Wasson

Four weeks back I had determined I’d walk the big malls and decorated streets in down town Portland. I was ready to enjoy new sights and sounds of Christmas in the air. Excited to try something new with my children. Simply put, I was ready to add a new tradition to the Holiday season. That is until I “bit the sidewalk” 4 weeks ago which has left me hobbling on crutches!

At 34 months, I’ve come to realize navigating the month of December is almost as difficult as the day of our wedding anniversary! Certainly more difficult than Loren’s birthday. Even more difficult than Valentine’s Day. I’ve always known I’m a person who’s easily triggered by memories.

Loren and Adeline sitting on the front row at Willamina Elementary Christmas Concert 2014 — **Grandpa Loren holding Adeline on the front row at his last Elementary Christmas Concert in 2014**

But Christmastime will forever be full of happy memories, with Loren remaining a part of those memories!

Our first “impromptu date” was while Christmas caroling in December 1977. I’d just briefly met him a month or two earlier yet he invited me to hop up into his pickup, to ride with him as we church carolers traveled to different homes in the McMinnville countryside. After singing we headed back to my parent’s farm for hot chocolate and snacks. It was that night I invited Loren to “the barn” to introduce him to my horses, to my favorite place to hang out. It was there we had a get-to-the-nuts-and-bolts conversation. We were both forthright people if we wanted something. We both saw something ~ someone(s) that we wanted. The month of December!

Throughout the course of our marriage I learned how the Christmas season held apprehension and unrest for him as a child, even as a teenager. As his wife, I did everything possible to facilitate situations where Loren would learn to experience the Christmas season with expectation, even happiness. I’m thankful he eventually found that feeling. He found the pleasures of Christmas.

For years we drove around enjoying the Christmas light displays in subdivisions. In December 2014 we had pulled our car over and parked along Main Street in Willamina. The snow was gently falling. We sat there a good 30 minutes while taking in the beauty of quiet Main Street with the plenteous Christmas lights strung across the avenue. Beautiful December. Full of love and peace.

Once we had built our log home in the woods, we annually trekked on our property and found the perfect tree to reside in our home. Cut down by Loren. Carried by Loren. Carefully and precisely mounted in its stand, by Loren. Full of expectation but all for our kids and grand kids who would come experience Christmas day with us.

Grandpa Loren and I baked Holiday sugar cookies with our granddaughters, Olivia and Adeline. Even if grandpa had worked the night before he’d still pull himself out of bed to come in the kitchen and cut the cookie dough with the cookie cutters. December. Wonderfully – smelling December. This tradition still continues.

Loren, all four children, along with the grandchildren attended every Elementary School Concert I was directing. The whole clan sat on the front row. I reveled in the support. This is the first year this has not happened because I requested to not teach music this year. A sad but necessary and wise decision, to take care of myself. December. A new season of change this December.

Before opening gifts, each year Loren sat the children and grandchildren down and read a new Christmas story! Through the years, he was the one who carefully shopped and selected that new hardback book to read each year. Sad December…and no one has yet wanted to OR tried to replace grandpa Loren’s role in reading a new Christmas story……..

But come Christmas the loud music will be roaring. The “dancing til we drop”, to Bee Gee’s music, will continue. The grandkids, grandma, and aunt Brenna (hopefully) laughing and twirling in circles will continue.

And more than anything I’m counting on still feeling his presence……

December. So full of memories. O, how I love you.

P.S. For the 1st time ever, this weekend I’m taking the grandkids to see THE NUTCRACKER.